Midnight thoughts

Dear my future children , Nak, saat ini di negara tercinta kita sedang terjadi kekacauan. Banyak orang di suatu golongan yang merasa bahwa yang mereka percayai itu paling benar dan berusaha menjatuhkan golongan lainnya. Nak, jika nanti kamu terlahir di negara ini dan tumbuh di negara ini pula, Ibu harap kamu tidak perlu merasakan hal ini. Ibu harap kamu tumbuh di lingkungan yang supportif , di lingkungan yang menghargai perbedaan, di lingkungan yang saling mengasihi, di lingkungan dengan rasa kemanusiaan yang tinggi. Nak, Ibu harap kamu tumbuh menjadi sosok manusia yang menghargai perbedaan. Perbedaan itu indah, maka pupuklah rasa toleransimu sebesar-besarnya. Jadilah manusia yang berpikiran terbuka, terbuka akan perubahan, terbuka akan kesempatan baru, terbuka akan perbedaan. Jadilah manusia dengan rasa kemanusiaan yang tinggi, yang menghargai orang lain, yang berbuat baik kepada orang lain. Nak, jika nanti saat kamu sudah dewasa, kamu mempercayai suatu hal dan kamu p...

          Pernah gak sih udah ngelakuin sesuatu dengan penuh effort buat pacar/sahabat/temen/siapapun tapi gak ada feedback atau feedback- nya biasa aja dari dia? Sebenernya ini sepele sih, dan gak semua orang punya pendapat yang sama juga. Ada yang punya pendapat kalo “if you love someone, you’ll do anything for him/her” bakal tetep ngelakuin apa aja sekalipun gak dihargain dengan dalih “namanya juga sayang”. But for my personal opinion, I’m that kind of girl that get pissed so easily with someone that doesn’t respect me in any possible ways. I mean, I’m not living just to please someone’s life, I have many things to do, and if I make time for you, I put so much effort for you, that means you’re freaking lucky cause I’m not doing it with everyone.                 Ngehargain pacar atau orang lain siapa pun itu yang udah give so much effort for you itu gampang kok, mulai dari hal pal...

Baru saja… Baru saja rasanya aku merasakan menjadi milikmu Baru saja… Baru saja kurasakan hangatnya dekapmu Baru saja… Baru saja kurasakan kecupmu di dahiku Baru saja… Baru saja senyum ini mengembang karena dirimu Dan, Baru saja pula aku kehilanganmu Secepat itu Sesebentar itu Tapi sesakit ini                                                                                  -Alya

It was small and dark The place I used to live in It was bitter and sorrow The feeling I used to feel It is a little brighter Since the first time you came in It is a little happier The feeling I feel because of you I trusted and I devoted I threw away all my fear I threw away all my doubts I stand still and believe I promise…. I promise to stay Even when everyone is leaving I promise to believe Even when nobody does But I can’t promise you to not falling But I promise to make it safe if you do I ask nothing but, Loyalty and honesty So, please don’t… Don’t disappoint me for choosing you... We both might be afraid Afraid of what is coming But I tried and adamantly give myself to you Before you even asked for it So please don’t.. Just don’t… Broke this and make it a dark and sorrow place again                                 - ...

                Firstly, I would like to say sorry for not updating this blog for a long longggg time. I was taken away with my busy college life.  Well, I am now a freshman in ITK (Institute Technology of Kalimantan) majoring urban and regional planning. My first term was surprisingly very busy, hectic, and stressing, but well I kinda enjoyed it and now I am enjoying my holiday until the beginning of February.                 2016 tough me a lot. It’s a year that I learned to let go. I let go not only the things I want, I let go of my dreams, I let go of my ex, I let go of my friends, I let most everything I had in 2015 to go in 2016. Letting go doesn’t mean you’re weak. Letting go means you know that you can not always force it the way you want it to be. Letting go means you know that you’ve had enough and you deserved something more. 2016 also tough me that, the ...

     So, I've been being lazy to write lately, that's because of the most heart breaking moments I've been to the past couple weeks. That moments really tearing me apart, I am quite stressful thinking about that. Well, I've been getting rejected three times by universities, by SNMPTN, SBMPTN, and UTUL UGM.      I looked like I am okay with everything that is going on around me, but actually that hurts so much seeing all your friends getting success while all you've done is just getting rejected. It hurts seeing your friends getting into the universities that you've wanted so bad for the past couple years. It just.....hurt too bad. I once cried so bad before I went to sleep, the most hurtful thing wasn't getting rejected but knowing that you've disappointed many people around you by getting rejected.     One thing that keep me sane so far is the fact that I believe Allah has a better plan for me, much better that snm, sbm and utul thing. Whate...